Best Friends are the family you choose, the people that are there, every day or close to it. The people that take up the roles of your personal counsellor, side kick, lover, wingman and become closer to you than your parents, closer than your siblings and somehow they play the rolls of both. They’re the people that hold your secrets in their hearts, hold your hair after night out, and hold your hand through the rough times. The ones that are there for the good days, the bad and everything in between.
Learning the difference between a best friend and a toxic friend is one of the toughest, confusing things you have to do growing up. Phasing out the fake friends and being true to your real friends can be hard, it’ll be confusing learning that some of the closest people, the people that you thought would be there forever are nothing more than a learning curve in your life. Just remember friendship is a two way thing and unless both sides are working for the friendship it’s totally pointless and it won’t last, keep in mind also that a busy friend isn’t a bad friend. We all have our own lives and sometimes we get busy.
Knowing your worth is important in learning to say goodbye to those people that just aren’t treating you right. Knowing that you’re worth more than being used and abused is honestly so critical, not only to the friendship but to your own well being. You don’t deserve to be used for all that you’ve got, your car, your money, your clothes, I in fact have been used for all of those things multiple times, before I realised that I didn’t have to put up with it.
And that’s it really, sometimes you don’t actually want to stick up for yourself or call that person out for using you, treating you like shit or betraying you, because you don’t wanna loose what you have with them. I get stuck in this limbo more than I’d like to admit, do I say something and ruin this friendship or do I continue to put up with the bullshit and hope the good outweighs the bad? But there’s roughly a bazillion other people in the world and most of them would probably be a better friend than the person you’re in limbo with. There’s more people out there than you realise so the people in your life right now aren’t necessarily the best people for you, so you’ve got to learn to let go.
Meet new people, find new friends, join a cult, actually ignore that last thing. But seriously put yourself out there, if you’re worried that all your so called friends are falling into the shitty side of things and you’re afraid you’re going to be left with nobody just put yourself out there, talk to someone new, talk to someone old, that you haven’t spoken to since school, reconnect. The circle you’ve put yourself in isn’t the entire world, I can’t stress that enough!
Also, I believe everyone deserves a second chance. Sometimes it takes losing a friend to realise how much you need them and they need you. Giving someone a second chance is important to you both, people do make mistakes and take you for granted, we are only human, but giving that second chance means you both grow as friends and learn how not to act, you learn how the other person expects to be treated. Like a do over, give someone the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and do it right the second time around. Never give more than a second chance though, if a person hurts you more than once it’s no longer a mistake but a choice. Don’t let someone have the power to hurt and betray you again, you look like a mug, feel like an idiot and you gain nothing from it.
Lastly don’t be a shit friend yourself. Check in on your friends, see how their day was, ask them about life, be concerned and be genuine. It’s all well and good to pick out your toxic friends but recognising whether or not you’re one is way more important. Be kind and considerate and as they say treat others how you want to be treated. Be grateful and cherish the people closest to you, love your friends and look after them. Love them hard